Mr. Mom...

Okay, so at this point I'm home with the kids, not sure if Sonya will be back for the morning melee of getting the kids off to school and me to work. The first few days of school this year went fairly smoothly. Sonya got up and made breakfast while I showered, we both assembled my & the kids' lunches while they get dressed and eat, I pile the kids in the car and we get there right on time. This time would be different.

Getting such a late start from the cottage in Canada, Sonya decided to just stay there the night and return the following day in time enough to get the kids from school. So I woke up a couple minutes earlier than usual (which means when my alarm actually goes off, instead of after one hit of the snooze bar) and get everyone assembled and out the door (mostly) on time. I was pretty proud of myself! No arguments, no excessive tardiness (only 2 minutes late), just a relatively smooth morning. After stopping by the district court to pay a traffic ticket, I pop home to grab one last thing before work, notice Courtney's sandwich sitting on the stove, and drop it to her classroom and still get to work 15 minutes early.

Something in my gut said I would be picking up the kids from school...

Sure enough, just after I get back from lunch, I get a call from a flustered Sonya. She was having car trouble and was still at the cottage. I talk to my office controller and take 1/2 of a personal day. I stop at my buddy Chris's comic shop on the way to the school to chat, and arrive in plenty of time to get the kids. We had fun hanging on the playground playing for about 1/2 hour, then went home to play on the new swing set and have dinner.

Shortly after the kids are in bed, I get a call from Sonya. She's had a tire with a steady leak for months, if not years, now. Unfortunately, there are no gas stations near the cottage to fill it up. It was completely flat, so they tried to change to the donut, busting off 3 of the 4 lug nuts in the process - not good for an hour and a half drive. They had a lead on a local guy who could fix it, but not till tomorrow, so once again, I'd be left to do the morning shuffle solo. No biggie, I figure. I handled today fine, tomorrow should be just as good.

Then I heard a heavy, wet coughing in the kids' room, followed by a heartwrenching cry for daddy. When the weather changes as it did yeaterday, it's not uncommon for the kids to get a bit congested, but this crescendoed to a constant hacking cough. My baby girl was sick.

I escorted her to my room and the bigger, more comfy bed and let her sleep there. About 4 am, I got up to get her some cough medecine. At this point, I knew I was going to be taking another personal day from work.

Today, Liam got up and moving, showered, fed, and dressed with nary a complaint. We got him off to school in plenty of time. His baby sister is still sleeping in my bed. I've been popping in to give her snuggles and reassurance. She feels miserable, but smiles when I lie down next to her and give her a hug.

Now's not a great time for me to not be at work, to be honest. I need to start re-building my client list - a LOT! But, being here, taking care of my sick child, I know I'm where I need to be right now.

A long overdue introduction…

In all of my blogs, I refer to my kids, but I haven't said much about them. Allow me to take a minute to introduce my lovely children, Liam Sean and Courtney Teagan…
(photos courtesy of their Aunt Val)

Liam is my first-born.

Now 7 years old, he is a bundle of energy and intellect. One often hopes that our children will inherit the best qualities of both parents. Liam has inherited ALL qualities, positive, negative, and conflicting, from both Sonya and I. He is as smart and outspoken as his mother, as creatively and musically driven as both of us, and has his father's ego, extroversion, and yes, temper.

This can lead to problems at times. His highly developed sense of justice from his mother and rather self-absorbed nature from myself can lead to him seeming selfish at times. Along with my rather short temper (which I wasn't able to curb until I was about 14), this can lead to some difficult fights when he doesn't get his way. However, he is not inherently selfish. He is EAGER to share with and to help others, just more so when it doesn't conflict with his own interests. Until more recently, he wasn't good at looking at the bigger picture and to see the consequences of his actions. The more he grows and learns, he is developing healthy coping mechanisms and how to be a better citizen in general. I can almost see the gears turning and the connections being made in his head by the day as he deals with each circumstance, and it simply amazes me.

Liam is feisty and always wants to be the center of attention. As my mother has pointed out, he is the first child of loving parents and the first grandchild of four doting grandparents, thus he has gotten used to being the focus of adoration. Not necessarily the subject of materialistic spoiling, but certainly the focus of adoration.

Being the child of two musicians, he has developed a good musical ear as well. He loves to get up in front of people and sing. He eagerly anticipates the kid's talent show at the Slamka Harmony Hideaway Picnic every year. He even joined me on stage with my quartet a couple of weeks ago, told my friend and lead, Lou, to "step aside" (with all due respect and humor), and sang the tag to Darkness of the Delta with great gusto, ringing the last chord like nobody's business!

He is primed for activities where he can show off. As extracurricular activities like band, choir, sports and the like come into play at school, he is raring to join in and show his stuff. He seems destined to be a star musician, thespian, or athlete. His every endeavor is approached with such zeal and fervor, he quickly masters nearly everything he puts his mind to (once he gets past his initial frustration, anyway).

He can be a handful when he's over stimulated or tired, but his behavior is getting better by the day. That combined with his enthusiasm and talent for academics, the arts, and capacity for overall love and kindness fills me with great pride every day.

Courtney is Liam's polar opposite personality-wise, but every bit as smart and talented.

She is the more demure, quiet, and reserved type. When she warms up and gets more comfortable with her surroundings and people, she becomes more outgoing, but generally keeps more to herself. She doesn't seek out people to impress, but is often more content to entertain herself and accomplish things on her own. Rather than self-ostracizing, she seems to derive it more from self-confidence. She doesn't shun people or avoid contact, but doesn't require constant validation.

She's very thoughtful, helpful, and cooperative. I see her becoming the quiet genius. While Liam is very bright and excelling academically, he will likely have other, more dramatic activities he will want to excel in. I see Courtney becoming the honor roll, bookworm type, making her mark with more intellectual pursuits like literature. She has a brilliant imagination and can make up stories about and play with just about anything, turning pens and buttons into princesses and wizards. She will come up with detailed stories and dialogue, much more involved than I would expect from a 3 year old.

She loves to sing, but can be shy about performing. She is a girly-girl – a daddy's girl. She loves pink, ponies, Dora, princesses, dolls, and having her long blond hair in pigtails. She is adorable beyond expression. Her speech still lacks some of the glottal sounds like 'K' and 'G', but it just serves to enhance her adorability. She's working on them, though. I almost hope she doesn't perfect those yet, as it will be one more step toward my baby girl becoming a big girl. I dread the day when she becomes a teenager. Not just for me, but for her. No boy stands a chance of my approval and she'll hate me for it.

These kids fill me with love and pride every minute of every day. Even in their misdeeds, I find aspects to be proud of. I can't help it. I'll scold and/or punish them appropriately for inappropriate actions or behavior, but often in that behavior, I see some aspect of myself. Even if it's a part of me that I'm not very proud of, I still derive some sense of pride that I see myself in them and that we can work on bettering ourselves together, as a family.

The aforementioned predictions of my children's future are simply guesses – maybe hopes – but their future is up to them. I will do my part as a parent to guide them towards their strengths, help them recognize and improve on weaknesses, and above all, help them to be happy and successful at whatever they want to be. Sure, I'd love for Liam to be a great musician and Courtney to be a famous author, etc., but above all, I want them to have every opportunity to be everything they ever want to be. That is my sacred duty, and I couldn't be more proud to execute it for the benefit of these wonderful kids.

When the hell did I grow up?

When, exactly, did I grow up? I don't recall deciding to forgo the joys and frivolity of youth in favor of responsibility. I don't remember ever saying to myself, "Ya know, it's about time I stopped heading out to parties, concerts, and the bar with my friends so I can work 60+ hours a week, do chores at home all the time, and pay bills."

I have never been a particularly thoughtful, considerate, or responsible person. I get sucked into impulse purchases, make hasty and rash decisions, and loose my temper with the best of them. Ask Sonya. But somehow, somewhere, I stopped being fun and started being more concerned with what I'm supposed to do as opposed to what I want to do. It's gotten to the point where occasionally Sonya has to FORCE me to relax.

There was a time that Sonya and I would be able to pick up and go as we pleased. One morning we said, "Hey, let's drive to Chicago and surprise Ken & Marilee!" We hopped in the car, drove the 5 hours to find the weren't home, had lunch at Ed Debevic's, drove the 5 hours home and went to a party at Paulie B's while his parents were out of town. No planning involved. Just pick up and go. It wasn't a wasted trip. It was one of the best, most fun days of my life.

I recall hanging out with an old, dear friend of mine about 6 years ago. Heading to his house, I saw this friend – someone I used to drink with, cruise with, and even stand atop playground fixtures attempting to command the wind with – mowing the lawn in his calf-length black socks and sandals. Later we sat on his porch drinking a beer while our wives chatted inside, and discussing things like landscaping, car repairs, and home renovation. I remember the enormity of this moment hitting me like a Mack truck between the eyes.

I wasn't a kid anymore.

I didn't feel any different. I still enjoyed the same things: drinking, loud music, hanging at my old fraternity's house for parties, taking off on a moment's notice to see some band because a friend got free tickets, etc..

Then came kids, more and larger bills to pay, and the crushing weight of adulthood. It happened slowly. Over the course of about 10-15 years or so, I figure. One by one, more responsibility shifted from my parents' shoulders to mine. I started paying more of my own expenses – first gas for the car, then insurance, then food, some utilities, rent. One by one suffocating my ability to do what I want, when I want. Phrases like, "The Greatful Dead's at the Palace tonight! We got a spare $30 a piece! Let's go!" were suddenly replaced with, "I should pick up an extra few hours at work to pay the phone bill on time, for once."

This isn't just the result of having kids – though it certainly magnifies and accelerates the process. This metamorphosis started long before I held my baby boy and felt the future, and my responsibility thereto, in my very hands. Somewhere down the line, my future became MY job, and mine alone. Yes, I am surrounded by a wonderful circle of friends and family willing and even eager to help, but in the end, my future, and the fruits or failure thereof, are all up to me.

So now, here I sit: 32, working roughly 60 hours a week, spending most of my time "free time" at home doing dishes, picking up the kids' toys, cleaning out the cat box, folding laundry, making beds, vacuuming, mowing the lawn, preparing meals, and the like.

However, I also get to spend this time, reading to my kids, sharing classic family movies I was raised with, giving piggyback rides, playing "Tickle Monster", and watching my two beautiful and brilliant children grow up all too quickly.

I don't go out to the bar, save maybe 3 times a year. No time and too expensive. Going to concerts or events takes weeks of planning and coordinating childcare. Heading out to do the things I want, when I want – especially last minute – is virtually impossible. Spontaneity has all but disappeared from my vocabulary. I miss my friends.

Aside from being able to see my friends and family more frequently, for some bizarre reason I haven't figured out yet – I wouldn't have it any other way.