Status Quo is SORELY Underrated...

For years, I have been frustrated whenever my life has stagnated. Taking the next step, earning more money, becoming more professionally respected, trying to reach the presumed level of my peers, meeting what I assume are the expectations of those I love and respect, these have all kept me moving forward. What I've realized lately, is that these have been the most significant sources of stress in my life. In today's society, everyone's looking for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal). Acquiring more things, gaining more friends, making more money, looking better, have made life SO hectic and fast-paced that we take no time to appreciate what we have. By the time we do, we want the NEXT big thing. What ISN'T appreciated, it the contented status quo.

I was going to entitle this "contented stagnation", but the word 'stagnation' just has a negative connotation to it. 'Stagnation' implies ennui, malaise, and an inability to emerge from a given situation. That's not what I'm talking about. If a situation is frustrating, intolerable, or even just plain boring, it needs to be changed. What I'm talking about is looking at what you have, realizing that it's not only enough, but you're happy with it, and pausing for a while to enjoy what you have achieved.

Working at (a popular and busy coffee place), I see perfect examples of the victims of this kind of "BBD" thinking. Uptight, irritable, over-stressed, overbooked yuppies, zooming from place to place in their $50k+ automobiles, needing their over-priced triple lattes for the energy to maintain their overblown lifestyles, usually with the goal being to simply 'keep up with the Joneses'. They rarely take the time to get off their cell phones to even acknowledge a smile from another human being, let alone the luxuries they worked so hard to attain. Even their vacations are so booked to the rim and often interrupted or cut short by work or catastrophes of their own making, they don't take the time to enjoy them - just finish task A so they can get to task B, C, and D.

They come in a self-deluded swarm through the morning drive-thru on a daily basis, in a constant fog of their own existence, created by observing the same fog surrounding other people they wish to emulate or outdo. They become so obsessed with having the respect and approval of others for what they have, or for their perceived status, rather than who they are, all they know is improving their surroundings rather than their lives. The budding executive, trying to set himself up for that VP position and the extra $10k/yr with it, the stay-at-home mom in the Cadillac SUV with the Prada bag taking Johnny to karate practice, then a soccer game, then piano lessons in the hopes that she can pin her pride on him to supplant her disappointment in herself, the medical intern working like hell to finish so he can move into his specialty and get that BMW he's been dreaming of, while paying off his student loans for the next 30 years - they parade by me on a daily basis, like marathon runners grabbing a cup of water en route, heading toward a finish line they keep extending. Not every one of them, of course, but enough on a regular basis for me to be relatively certain I can recognize them when I see them.

Now, by no means am I perfectly content with my current income, the shape my house is in, or even several other parts of my life. I'm FAMOUS for trying to fit more than 24 hours into a day between 4-5 jobs at a time, surviving on 4 hours sleep for several days of the week, and burning my candle at several ends in hopes to make this repair to my home, that improvement, get my kids what they want for Christmas, or more often, just to make sure by cell phone doesn't get shut off. I'm every bit as much a victim of the Rat Race as anyone in today's society, and I won't make excuses that it's always "just to survive". It's just as much to maintain the lifestyle I'm accustomed to as the ad exec in the Jaguar yelling through his cell phone at his assistant while he snatches his large quad-shot French vanilla latte from my hand without a word and speeds off. We all like a certain level of comfort, and work like Hell and do whatever we can to maintain it, and I'm not the one to say one lifestyle is any better than the other.

What I have learned over the past several years, however, is that while moving forward and making progress toward a goal is necessary for us to grow as human beings, affording us the opportunity to succeed or fail and learn from both experiences, pausing the rat race for a while and stopping to appreciate the progress you've made is even more important. Now, I don't have the luxury of taking a week's or even a few consecutive days' vacation, but I have intentionally taken a day off each of the past 2 weeks where I don't have a major commitment (well, at least not for most of the day), sacrificing some financial stability for more emotional contentment.

What I've realized in my moments of calm, is that I really have it pretty good. Oh, I know I've praised my wonderful friends and family a lot here, and rightfully so, but what I realized this time was what I've created for myself: I have a house, a working car that is comfortable and practical, furnishings that not only are comfortable and (mostly) clean, but fit my style and personality, two computers with accessories that do exactly what I need them to, two wonderful and brilliant children who are making great progress in all areas of their lives, a wonderful girlfriend that appreciates and understands me, I'm keeping my bills under control, not digging myself further in debt, and most importantly, clearing the fog once in a while to see it all in perspective and those around me that help make it happen. Much of this is through the help of friends and family, yes, but not without my own hard work, as well. Because I realize this, I'm happy and contended most of the time. Yes, I work A LOT, but I work to live. I don't live to work.

This started out with a clear purpose, but I've once again gotten long-winded and redundant. Suffice it to say, that despite my current humble professional and financial status, I'd like to offer what little advice may be valuable to the rich, successful, and powerful: take the time to step back, breathe, and appreciate it. For a while - be it 5 weeks, 5 days, or even 5 minutes - stop trying to get more, be more, or do more. For a brief time, block out some time in your iPhone planner to live.

That's what I just did, and I'm a lot happier for it.

...and now, back to the Rat Race...

Gratitude for what I have...

I met for dinner with an old friend the other day. Without going into detail, it got me thinking about what I have versus what how things could be. I have my health, I have 2 jobs (crappy-paying though they may be), I have friends and family willing to help me as needed (which I try desperately not to abuse), and I've managed to keep going without government assistance. I've never had to apply for unemployment, I've never had a financially crippling medical emergency (knock wood).

I've also never been without a job for more than 2 weeks in my entire adult life, and beyond that I've had between 2 and 5 jobs at a time over the past decade. On top of that, while the entirety of Michigan is in a labor panic and everyone is looking for work, I have 3 solid leads on better jobs. I don't have them yet, and none of them are what you'd call well-paying careers, but they pay a damn sight better than what I'm making now, but one of them is bound to turn out. In a state with 15.2% unemployment, and living 1/2 mile from a city with over 25% unemployment, I consider myself ridiculously lucky.

In the mean time, I feel loved, appreciate, and respected for who and what I am. THAT is the biggest gift. As long as the basics are covered (food & shelter for me and my kids), if there is love and respect, I will always get by.

And how do I come about this love and respect, you may ask? The answer is simple:

I love and respect others.

I've pontificated on Karma and what-goes-around-comes-around plenty of times. Showing love and respect for those around you, no matter their differences, breeds something beyond goodwill. It goes beyond Biblical tenants of "turn the other cheek" and the more universal "do unto others" philosophy. It creates a personal mental state of peace. It allows one to better analyze one's own thinking and be more objective about one's personal beliefs.

Psychologists often cite that actions create belief. For example, if you make yourself smile, you'll begin to feel happy. That's a bit simple (and not always true, of course), but the concept isn't without merit. If you treat others with respect, even if you completely disagree or are even morally repulsed by their ideals, you may allow yourself to open you mind to more possibilities. It doesn't have to change who you are to consider a point of view you disagree with and you don't have to change your opinion to show respect. On the contrary, being weak-willed doesn't garner respect. However, not only will SHOWING respect by letting others have their say, not discounting their ideals out of hand, and paying honest attention to what they are trying to communicate, open your own mind to new possibilities for growth, but you've gained the appreciation of a wider circle of people, which can be beneficial for all later on.

I've started to ramble and get off topic. Hell, it's my blog. :)

Anyway, today, despite having to work to days of doubles in a row and being drastically underpaid for it, I'm happy. Not because I'm forcing myself to smile, but because grateful for what I have.. More than that, I'm realizing why I have the blessings I do: because I show love and respect at every opportunity.

I highly recommend it

Who am I?

Ah, the eternal question. I'm am a contradiction. I'm an eclectic celebration of a dance! I do Fossey, Fossey, Fossey. I do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham, or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla, or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna, but I keep it all inside...

A friend of mine recently wrote a blog boiling himself down to a rather appropriate synopsis of his various roles. I figure this is a good way to start.

The basics: 33, male, blond hair, blue eyes, 230 lbs. (working on that…sometimes), living in a suburb of Detroit, and currently employed at a music store as a shipping manager and instrument repair technician (among other titles) and at a Blockbuster Video as “Entertainment Specialist” (read: glorified register jockey who’s not afraid to talk to customers at length and/or make a fool of himself publicly).

First and foremost, I am a husband and father. I have been married to my lovely and extremely intelligent wife, Sonya, for 11 years. We have 2 beautiful children, Liam-7 and Courtney-4, who are more beautiful and brilliant than my genetic makeup has any right taking credit for.

Second, I am a 10th level geek. I say that with the utmost pride these days. The things that bring me the greatest joy and relaxation are the things I would have gotten beaten up by jocks for in high school (and sometimes, almost did). Barbershop harmony, Star Trek, old and off-color comedy movies and comedians, sci-fi, comic books, and a knowledge of pop culture well beyond my 33 years. I sing in a barbershop quartet, a barbershop chorus, play the ukulele and trombone (among other instruments I dabble on), own and watch dated and obscure TV shows, collect comics and odd relics of pop culture from my youth (California Raisins figurines, Garbage Pail Kids, odd toys and kitsch from the 80's), and listen to music that is generally averaging somewhere between 20 & 80 years old.

Professionally, I plan to be a high school band and/or choir director. Currently, that plan is stalled while I try and get old tuition bills paid off so I can finish my few remaining classes. Priority-wise, my being an educator weighs equally with my being a musician. I have a good amount of talent, knowledge, and experience when it comes to music, but it's spread rather thin. "Jack of all trades, master of none" comes to mind. I have a good ear and am fairly proficient on the instruments and genres of my choosing, but I have no illusions of ever making a living as a performing musician (by that, I mean having a lucrative career - "jobs" and occasional gigs don't count). I have always enjoyed inspiring others and helping folks become better at what they choose to do, so education is my chosen field. And, of course, I tend to adhere to the old adage, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach". I've always prided myself on being able to explain how to improve at something, rather than demonstrate it. Plus, I’m perfectly happy riding the coattails of someone else’s success and taking pride in my role in it.

All of the aforementioned, however, covers more “what” I am, rather than “WHO” I am. What I am is identified by what I portray and make visible to the outside world. Most of you who know me already knew everything I just relayed. WHO I am has more to do with my thought processes, beliefs, and values. These, I tend to keep close to the vest, as do most, to prevent conflict, observe social decorum – or more often – to avoid rejection in any given situation.

I’m a mainstream, moderate liberal, politically. I believe that the government’s role is to do all it can to provide for its citizenry every opportunity to maintain the highest level of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I’m a bit more of an isolationist than I realized, as in today’s political climate, NOT to be an isolationist seems to mean being a party to this administration’s “nation building” efforts. Being the geek I am, I’m a full believer in the “Prime Directive” in that I do not believe we should ever impose our will or belief structure on foreign entities unless invited or requested. Any less implies a conquering empire.

I believe in taking responsibility for one’s own actions; owning up to your mistakes, recognizing your own shortcomings, making amends, and hopefully learning from the experience. People are faulted and make mistakes. To expect any more from them is unfair and unrealistic. Acknowledge one’s own shortcomings and attempting to rectify one’s misdeeds is a sign of true character and intelligence. Case in point: Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s response to his mistakes vs. former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer’s to similar allegations.

That being said, I believe, moreover, that one should take responsibility and ownership of one’s own station in life. I often bemoan the status I find myself in. I don’t earn enough, I haven’t finished my degree yet, I wish I had a bigger house, nice car, etc., but the fact is that my own decisions (or lack thereof) have led me to where I am. Yes, unforeseen circumstances can lead one to horrible places and situations, but in the end, how you got there and how you deal with those situations are governed by your own decisions. You have the choice of sitting on your ass and saying, “poor me,” or standing up and doing all you can to change it and better yourself, your posterity, and your situation. That’s not to say I believe in “every man for himself” or Machiavellian means to your own ends. I believe it is every human’s responsibility, should they choose to be a part of the increasingly global society we live in, to try and help and support their fellow humans to the best of their ability, offering doors of opportunity to those in need that those in need must decide to enter themselves.

I believe in God. I question my faith on occasion, not out of despair or frustration – on the contrary, that is often when my faith tends to strengthen – but in moments of overwhelming logical contemplation. I think man needs God. As long as humanity can ask the question “Why?” and not have a definitive answer, humanity will need God.

I think churches – more specifically religious doctrine and organizations – can be extremely detrimental to society and the individual. Just one more group of people in power telling the masses what to think, generally to either maintain their own power and wealth or out of fear of other ways of thinking that they don’t understand. I believe religion to truly be the opiate of the masses. I do not think the concept of divinity is a bad thing. FAITH, however, is different. People without faith are easy led by fear. Fear is a human reaction to the unknown. At the risk of entering into my UberGeek persona again, I quote Yoda: “Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate…leads to suffering.” Faith eases the fear of the unknown with belief. Faith in people is dangerous, as people are imperfect. Faith in God is safe, as God is perceived to be perfect.

I believe there is an ultimate plan and design for the universe. I believe this to be somewhat separate from religion. My questioning of my faith rarely comes from a lack thereof, but a question of its origin. Does the ultimate plan and subsequent conclusion of the universe derive from a scientific and logical outcome or divine plan? This is my occasional quandary. Being human, I tend toward the idea that God is the architect of the master plan, as the possible combination of variables creating the path toward the end of time is more than science could ever predict. I would rather think a kind, loving, and just God decides my fate and that of the universe, rather than cold, calculated empirical data and formulae. Then there is the concept of cosmic energy and perpetuation of the consciousness via this energy beyond the corporeal being. This becomes an intriguing gray area between God and science. But this rambling diatribe has gone on long enough for now.

Suffice it to say, I don’t know what’s true. That’s part of the human condition. Existentialism is too depressing for my fragile psyche to handle right now, so until I know everything, I’ll stick with my faith in God. He never lets me down. It may sound a trite reason to adhere to a belief structure, but God is love, and love never lets you down. Logical? Perhaps not, but faith isn’t always about logic.

Whew! That was exhausting! I haven’t done that much thinking in a while. I’ll probably keep this subject in reserve for period of total writer’s block and either expand on it or delve into some of my other core values.
It’s like antihistamine for the brain that clears my mental snot buildup.