Truckin', like the do-dah man...

Well, here it is, a month later again, and while I can’t say everything’s improving, there’s enough progress in several areas of my life that I continue to be very happy.

The house is continuing to improve, at least in décor, if not structure. The back door threshold and floor need to be replaced, like YESTERDAY, but I can scrumble together a working temporary solution until I can afford to do some serious rebuilding on the entire back wall. I replaced a few of the kitchen floor tiles to make it usable until I can get around to replacing it in its entirety. I still have to furnish the kids’ room, so I’ll have to find a good deal on a couple twin beds and a dresser. There’s still some wall—washing to be done, carpet to be re-cleaned (and properly, this time), and the living room NEEDS to be painted in a serious way. Still, I have working utilities, a working furnace (knock wood), the basics of furniture for the living room and bedroom (courtesy of my sister), and a working stove and fridge. About the only things I’m missing are a washer & dryer so I don’t have to haul to the laundromat every week (where I’m sitting right now). After the cleaning, painting, and basic repairs are done, I hope to start replacing the living room furniture piece-by-piece to make it less “college dorm room” and more “grown-up home”.

Dating is a different story. I didn’t date much in High School to begin with, and now, being single again after 20 years is taking some getting used to. I’m finding it’s requiring a reexamination of my entire value system and self-esteem, mostly by realizing that I’m not quite the fugly chud of a loser I often though I was. Losing 40lbs didn’t hurt that, of course, but realizing that there are women out there that may value the aspects of myself that *I* value in me and may even find me attractive for who I AM, rather than who I COULD be (with their training), has been an adjustment. I’ve always been a bit of a contradiction: an egomaniac that’s ridiculously self-conscious. Lately, I’ve been trying to curb those extremes and I’m finding the middle-ground very peaceful.

I’ve dated a little over the past several months - nothing real serious (or at least, not realistic), until recently. I’ve been seeing this one girl for the past month or so. I could write paragraphs here, but I’d rather not go into a lot of detail. Suffice it to say, we like each other a lot, have a LOT in common, and are completely honest with each other. She’s an attractive geek, with an 80’s pop-culture knowledge that rivals my own! We’ll see where it goes, but I’m very happy right now.

The biggest worry continues to be money (ain’t it always). Between the usual bills, unexpected car repairs, surprise payroll snafus, and the like, the income seems to always meet the outgo, but I wish I could provide more for my kids. Things aren’t finalized with the divorce yet, but the ex and I have been working things out quite well and are cooperating to see that the kids’ needs are met. I’m providing what I can, when I’m asked, and always looking for ways to scrounge up a few bucks to try and make some financial headway. The quartet has a few gigs, I’m starting to give private trombone lessons again to a small degree, but that money always seems to get eaten up by some corresponding catastrophe. It’s IMMENSELY frustrating to be 35 and after a few years of relative financial stability (by NO means, prosperity), to be living paycheck to paycheck again. My big hope is to be able to come up with enough, along with the ex, to get my kids a Wii for Christmas. That’ll be the big present this year, God willing. With the help of the grandparents, it’ll happen, but I’m hoping to come up with enough on my own so they’re free to shower the kids with the cornucopia of gifts the younglings are used to getting.

Thankfully, my needs are few. Most of the creature comforts and luxuries I want, I already have. I don’t eat much, or have expensive tastes. The techno-gadgets I own suffice quite well for my uses and I don’t feel the need to upgrade them. My Christmas List will likely be rather small, compared to most years. I’ll get to that in my next blog, hopefully before the New Year…

…hopefully.

SCARY busy lately!

Well, another month goes by without a blog post. I've just been so busy lately I've barely had time to catch my own reflection, let alone sit down and write a blog!

Okay, the recent topics are:

Cleaned and moved into my old house, with a few noticeable "gaps".
New job is going well overall
Socializing more
Barbershop convention was awesome
Staying above the drama
Quartet gigs are slow and steady
School's on track to see me back in January
HALLOWEEN COSTUME!

Okay, let's tackle these one by one, shall we?

I am officially back in my old house! I spent the last 3 weeks cleaning the place. Between washing the walls, cleaning the carpets, taming the jungle of a yard, and assessing my next home improvement steps, it's been a daunting task. Especially with no gas in the place to make hot water to clean with! I spent most of the time either boiling water on the charcoal grill or filling buckets one coffee pot at a time, slowing the process dramatically. The depressing part was when I rented a carpet cleaner, intending on getting the 4-hour rate, and getting it home only to realize it's a model that DOESN'T heat the water on its own. Back to the slow process of one coffee pot at a time to fill the enormous tank. Grr...

Finally, though, last Saturday, I managed to get the worst of it up and make the carpet a little less "guugh". With the assistance of my best friends Jason & Lou, I got all of my stuff and the furniture generously donated to me by my super-heroine sister moved in. There is still the matter of turning the gas on (which I hope to hear about today), so I can have a hot shower (a PRESSING need of mine within the first 5 minutes of waking up), and a fridge to store the perishable food I'd like to cook once the gas stove is usable. Still, I have a space heater for now and the rest of the place is very homey again. There are a few repairs that need to be done rather immediately and several I plan to do over the years as the funds become available. Bottom line: this is MAH HOUSE! My cat, Tassie, is buried in the back garden, my daughter was born in it, I bought it, and I intend to keep it. It may be small, it may be run-down, but it's mine.

I plan to have a housewarming party in the next couple weeks and hope to get a few small housewarming gifts that will fill in the odds-and-ends gaps (house plants, oven mitts, etc.). Hint, hint....

The new job at Starbucks is going well. It's uncomplicated - I like that. I go in, put in my time, I go home (or to my next job). Yea, the pay sucks, but it's a job. I'm surrounded by 20-somethings, each with their own drama. Thankfully, I'm able to converse and maintain friendships with these folks without getting sucked into the drama. One of the advantages of being a decade older, I guess. Just enough of a generation gap.

Meanwhile, Blockbuster's the same as always. My hours have been a bit skimpy lately, but that's being resolved.

I'm finding new ways to socialize on the cheap, too! Tuesday Trivia nights have become a regular thing for me and several friends at Rosie O'Grady's in Ferndale. $2 domestic beers and good company keep the costs low, so I can have a fun night out nursing 2 beers and picking at friends' leftover fries over the 3 hours or so. We still need to find a jock to join the team, though, to help us in our weakest category: sports. Isn't it funny - when you NEED a jock... Anyway, I'm getting out a time or two a week and seeing some long lost friends and meeting new ones. It's a good thing. :)

Barbershop convention was completely awesome! Most of it was filled with the typical stuff: a good contest performance for the chorus, nice lunch afterward, ducking in and oout of the quartet finals, singing tags in the lobby, free food & beer in the hospitality rooms, a a bunch of great friends I don't get to see very often. The added plus was having my friend, Jenn along for the festivities! She says she enjoyed it, but the mere fact she was able to even TOLERATE 24 hours of barbershop says loads about her! She gets the bronze star for courage for that alone!

Everywhere I look, there seems to be increasing amounts of drama. All of my friends seem to be going through a rough time, but thankfully, I seem to be maintaining a position of being a good friend and sounding board without getting sucked into any of it too deeply. I have a tendency to genuinely offer my assistance and thus stretching myself a bit thin. I'm still offering my assistance genuinely, but have just managed to not be needed or called upon. It's been refreshing, given my insanely busy schedule lately. Being available to my friends is a big part of who I am and where I derive a lot of my self-worth. It's a trait I'm very proud of. Still, it's nice to have a bit of 'me' time now and again.

Quartet rehearsals have been kind off tricky to organiize laately, what with all the stuff going on with me, and now with Lou being in a play rehearsal on our usual Wednesday night, gearing up for our holiday gigs will be kind of tough. Lou, Dave & I should have no problem brushing up our holiday stuff as we rehearse it in chorus and have sung the same songs every year forever. Big Dave may be a bit slower on the uptake for a few, though. We have 2 or 3 gigs in the next couple months. We'll see how it goes. Next up is prepping for April's contest. We had too skkip this one due to budgetary woes for 3/4 of the quartet, but now that we've tracked down the arranger for one of the tunes in our Sinatra set, we're set to put it on the contest stage!

I spoke with my wonderful and generous father the other day and my Christmas gift will be thhe remaining balance on my WSU bill. All will be set for me to rejoin the studious multitudes in January and get the f'ing degree the hell done. If all goes REALLY well, I could be done by next December. More realistically, though, I'm looking to finally graduate in May 2011 and (God willing) find a job by that fall.

Well, it's that time again! The Geek's Christmas! HALLOWEEN! I've had my costume planned for months and only started on it the past week. Jor-El. Marlon Brando from the 1978 Superman. Geek-tastic, as always. Got a couple parties I'll probably hit with Jenn tomorrow to show it off. Pics to come!!

Whew! I'm usually a lot more flowery with my phrasing, but just getting a month's worth of the basic updates has taken up a lot of space! I'll try to keep up on here a bit better once my internet is set up at my new (old) place.

Peace out, y'all!

Since You've Been Gone...

It was recently brought to my attention that it's been well over a month since my last blog post and some of you (I can only imagine a handful, to be honest) may be wondering what's been up with me lately. Well, SO much has been happening and my schedule has been so crazy tight, that I doubt I could even BEGIN to cover what's happened in the same kind of detail that I usually do (which likely bores most of you anyway). However, I'll endeavor to recap the last month to the best of my ability.

I started my new job at Starbucks a few weeks ago. It's a good job. Yes, the pay sucks and it's another barely-minimum-wage service industry job, but the company seems to have its business ethics in good order, they have a GREAT benefits package (which I become eligible for in about 2 months), and the people are great. It's becoming similar to Blockbuster, in that I like who I work with, I am getting to know my regulars, and the schedule has some flexibility so I can get personal business done during normal hours on occasion and work around seeing my kids a bit easier. The area where it's BETTER than Blockbuster is in the actual job itself. Being food service, there's always something to do or clean, so the shifts seem to fly by pretty quickly. - no twiddling of thumbs, trying to look 'busy'. The downside is that once I finally stop moving, I realize how exhausting it is! But, it beats flipping burgers. I 'd rather go home smelling like coffee than burgers any day.

Also, I'm back in the marching band game! A buddy of mine contacted me, saying he had a colleague that may be in need of a drill writer. Being this was mid-August when he contacted me, I was a bit suspicious...and concerned. Turns out it was him that needed the help. His drill writer was having trouble getting the drill to him on schedule and he was wondering if I could write a good competitive drill rather quickly. I was MORE than happy to help out a friend AND get back to doing what I love, so I agreed. The music's solid, the show concept is cool, and the staff are great. I think I made a good impression with the quality of my work, and particularly my prompt and open communication with him and his staff. I'm REALLY looking forward to seeing it on the field, and even more excited to finally have a MCBA staff pass to add to my collection after a 3 year gap! Oh, and the money's a good thing, too!

The back-to-school thing for me has hit a speed bump of sorts. I went to WSU, met with my adviser (who's a WONDERFUL lady) and we figured out just what I need under the new degree requirements. Some classes were dropped, others added, but all-in-all, it adds up to about the same class load I expected. We mapped out what I need to take and when, caught up a bit, and then it was off to face the massive bureaucracy that is Wayne State's Accounts Receivable department. After flitting between the cashier's office and Accounts Receivable office several times, I managed to pay my old balance. After waiting in line for a half hour to finally get my holds released, I get to the desk and am informed that the FIRST person I met with there (and the 3 others I spoke with on the phone beforehand to be SURE I knew the EXACT balance I owed) neglected to tell me about a near $300 collections fee assessed to my account! I would have to pay that before I could register...and this was the last day of final registration.

So much for starting classes this Fall. To be honest, I was a bit concerned that with the divorce still in process, a new commute to see my kids, moving back to my house, new job, drill writing, quartet gigs, and the plethora of other things on my plate that adding classes into the mix would have my brain exploding, a la Scanners. Still, the groundwork is laid to get me back in school and on track to finish my degree starting in January... and get me the Hell OUT of Fucking Wayne State, FINALLY!!!!

The divorce is progressing in some ways and not in others. Again, I don't want to get too heavy into details out of respect for the other parties involved. Suffice it to say that the ex and I are communicating amicably and while the finalization of the papers seems to have been put off for a while, we are working together to continue to make sure the kids continue to feel secure and loved by both of us, and working the logistics to enable both of us to establish and live our own lives with respect for each other. In short, we're figuring this out well for ourselves, slowly, and will re-involve the courts as soon as soon as we figure out some specifics, get a few bills and insurance issues resolved, and settle into a more predictable routine. We're both eager to have this over with, but also are NOT thrilled with the idea of lawyers charging us an arm and a leg to instigate us into arguments over property & money, or the courts pressuring us to adhere to THEIR time line. "We'll figure it out like adults and call you when we're ready for you, thankyouverymuch."

My quartet had an audition for voice-over roles for a kid's movie recently. My sister and a friend sent me the audition info, as the casting director was looking for an established quartet in the area. I sent some info to the contact listed, but was contacted directly by the casting director before it was even read! We went there and saw one of our other chapter quartets exiting the building as we entered. After exchanging pleasantries, they informed us that another established local group of much more renown had auditioned just before them. Kinda put a damper on our hopes, but we went and did our best, anyway. We sounded good, read well, and left with satisfaction of a good attempt, but not much hope of getting a call-back. No word from the casting director yet, so our impression was probably accurate. Oh well. At least I won't have to rent a tux for some red-carpet debut!

Other than that, my reintegration into the general populace is moving kind of slow. It's tough re-learning how to be social with the kind of time and financial constraints I have. I'm socializing via my laptop fine and reconnecting with a LOT of old friends there and on the phone that I've had trouble communicating with over the years, but getting OUT and meeting new people is tricky. "ya got no money and ya got no (good) car, and ya got no woman...and there you are," as the poet says. It gets a bit lonely at times.

But, thankfully, I'm keeping as busy as ever, reconnecting with old friends, and still losing a bit of weight. I went into Wal*Mart yesterday (generally against my principles, but one can't always afford one's principles), and found a couple pair of $8 jeans in the smallest waist size I've owned in over a decade! I haven't been this thin since before I got married! I still have a ways to go before I'm anywhere near where I'd LIKE to be (it'd be nice to get under 200lbs again), but it's nice to know I'm still getting there. I may start walking again to boost the momentum...maybe.

Anyway, that's the recap of the bigger news as of late. I'll try and keep up with this a bit more now, since inquiring minds seem to want to know!

I Don't Believe In Destiny, or the Guiding Hand of Fate...

Okay, so that's not ENTIRELY true...

Sometimes fate doesn't just guide you. On occasion, fate can grab you by the cajones with all the subtlety and tact of a rabid pit bull and just yank you along the right path.

Case in point:
I started my Bachelor of Music Education degree in Septemer 1993. Marriage, kids, house, apathy, laziness - all factors that have slowed me along the way. Nonetheless, I have plugged away at it over the past 16 years. Now, all that remain are 3 classes, my student teaching...and 4 credits of private lessons. These are only offered at 1 credit per semester, which means that despite being able to finish my coursework in 1 year, I am a minimum of 2 years from my degree. It seems so daunting and far off.

I started taking private lessons my first semester at Wayne with Ron. Helluva player, fun to talk shop with, never one to pressure you, but insisted on improvement. A GREAT teacher. I took 4 semesters with him and passed each one. Not always with stellar grades, but enough to pass.

I took some time off school to start a family. When I returned, Ron had been replaced with Ken. Ken expected you to START at a minimum conservatory level, and if you weren't there, you weren't worth his time. I took 5 semesters with him and only passed once - when he didn't show up to my jury. This man became the gatekeeper of my degree. In order to finish, I needed to pass 4 semesters with him, and I couldn't. So, I decided to wait him out. His students were dwindling and sooner or later, the administration would notice. (see more on this in my original post from 9/06 HERE)

So, my obstacles for a long time were time, money, and my private lessons. Flash forward to this present day. Last month I watched the premier episode of Glee. I truly identified with the director character and between the odd parallels in the character's story and the inspirational music, I started thinking real hard about what I might have to do to finish my degree and start teaching.

Next, after not taking classes for 3 years and being rather consumed with other areas of my life that are exploding right now, I get a form letter last week from the WSU Music Department, inviting me to return to school and finish, complete with numbers to call to find out what I need to do. I'm sure they sent the same letter to several students, but it came just as the thought of returning and finishing my degree popped to the forefront of my mind.

Next, I get this new job at Starbucks. Not much money, but MUCH greater flexibility in the schedule to be able to fit in my student teaching durring normal school hours. Having had jobs that run 9-5 as my only available work time, and my primary income, that hasn't been much of a possibility at all.

Finally, I'm running into the warehouse today to talk with one of the guys about a customer's order, and who's sitting at the counter picking up supplies...but my old teacher, Ron. Apparently, he's now the primary trombone teacher at WSU. Ken is gone, and Ron's who I would be learning with. We start to talk about how close I am and that lessons are the longest part, taking a minimum of 2 years to complete. He suggests that there is precedent to double up the lessons to 2 credits per semester, getting me out in 1/2 the time.

Time and private lessons have been taken care of for me. Time for me to take the bull by the balls and get the money. I have to find $850 to pay off my old balance so I can register. I have a few days next week. I will be researching every grant, scholarship, and loan I can find to make this happen.

It's now within the realm of possibility (and I can't believe I am saying this) that I could have my degree by May. It depends on several factors and paying my balance this month, but that's the earliest I could have it.

My heart just sped up to about 120bmp just typing that. And I'm a band guy. I KNOW 120BPM!

Paul 2.0 Beta

The revisions to "Paul 2.0" continue. The latest programming breakthrough involves the revision of the "job.exe" operating system to fix processing bugs and unpredictable system failures. The old template utilizing "commission.dll" has proven to be insufficient to provide the system resources for complete functionality and user-friendly interface, as well as caused regular failures in "bankaccount.dll" and caused basic operating subroutines like "mortgage.dll" and "eating.dll" to be underalocated or ignored completely.

The new "hourly.exe" platform promises to provided the minimum required system resources to fix the aforementioned bugs, increased reliablility, and more flexibility to run multiple processes simultaneously, as well as the addition of the "bennies.exe" virus scan and auto-fix program, which also covers peripheral applications such as "kids.exe".

Research will resume shortly on a "degree.exe" programming platform that will provide a MUCH broader system base, and the capacity to run the much anticipated "career.exe" operating system. This will allow the much anticipated "Paul 3.0" to operate at peak efficiency, provide a friendlier user interface, and allow for the development of more recreational applications like "vacation.exe", as well as allow the "Paul 3.0" to interface with other systems more reliably.

Okay...I probably ran with that a bit longer than necessary. Oh well. I found it amusing.

Bottom line, I resigned from my commission-based job in wholesale music supply yesterday. I wrote a very respectful resignation letter, presented it, respectfully, to the VP, and was it was received with gratitude, respect, and kind parting words. All bridges remain intact, with pretty little flowers on them. :) My last day is Friday. I could just coast through the next 3 days, but being that my last paycheck will STILL be based on commission, I still have to hustle. Meh - 3 more days I can handle.

Next week, I start working at Starbucks. My friend, Sam, works there and clued me into the opening. I'm not crazy about another low-paying, just-above-minimum-wage job, but after interviewing with the manager, meeting a few employees, and considering that I was averaging HALF of minimum wage on commission, it didn't seem all that bad. Add to that the benefit package they offer, with medical, optical, and dental at HALF what I'm paying at Blockbuster for just medical and dental, plus the more flexible hours to finish my degree and deal with day-to-day stuff durring business hours, it seemed a very good choice. Oh, and of course, FREE COFFEE!! There's a chance I may move up to shift leader a bit sooner than later, so the extra money would be nice there. I'll still keep the Blockbuster job for some extra cash, and to be honest, I enjoy it.

Weekend with the kids was great. We visited my mom and grandpa, watched movies, made pancakes, and got to go to one of my oldest friends' daugghter's birthday party. My kids played with my Godkids, I hung out with some dear friends, and a great weekend was had by all. The best part was just kissing my sleeping kids' foreheads before I turned in on Saturday night. It's the simple things...

Last night I went to Rosie O'Grady's again for what is becoming a weekly meeting with my friend Pashka for their Trivia Contest. I got there a bit before her and bumped into my old friend and Sigma Pi Grand Big Bro, Matt. We spent about 45 minutes just BSing and catching up, and he bought me a couple beers (which is good, since I figured I had the budget for 1 the whole night). He's doing great and running his own marketing business (no, not direct marketing like Amway). He explained it and it makes a lot of sense! He may have an event or two he could use my quartet for and maybe even some freelance work for me on occasion. God, I love networking! You never know where it may lead you!

About 9ish, after Pashka joined us, we took our leave and joined in the team trivia contest they have there. We were hoping for more friends to show up and give us a bit of a broaader knowledge base to work with, but it ended up being just us again. We swapped stories for a bit, moved up and down in the team rankings, and ended up getting our asses handed too us, soundly. Once again, the sports category killed us. We need a jock on the team. Oh well. No bag of cheap swag for us that night.

After the contest, as we're wrapping up, the guy running the trivia contest comes over to talk to us and was CLEARLY testing the waters to see if Pashka was "with" me. I made it clear by giving a dramatic yawn and excusing myself for the night. I was eager to get home to make a call, anyway. It was a great, fun night!

I'll have a few days next week to chill before starting the new job, so I can get my mind wrapped around budget planning, finances, and paperwork, as well as yard maintenance and other household chores. Lots more going on these days, but I gotta get to work and try to look like I'm still "THERE" rather than just "there".

Eagerly anticipating the completion of Paul 3.0.. Hopefully, it'll allow for the addition of a few peripherals (better car, bigger house, travel budget)!

Hittin' the town

Last night was more fun than I've had in weeks!

I have been mowing lawns for my sister's friends for a few month for a little extra cash. I don't mind mowing lawns in the least. Fresh air, sunshine (when the weather cooperates, anyway), exercise, and a visible sense of accomplishment when I'm done. The lawn at my current abode is a double lot of mostly weeds, spotted with kidney bean shaped garden patches, with a quadrant that tends to turn into a jungle after just a week. It's daunting and time consuming. The lawns at my sister's friends are a cinch by comparison.

One friend has a double lot, but there are no obstacles. I can usually finish in about a half hour, but have to get my lawn mower there, which is a trick with the trunk latch on my car broken and stuck shut. Her other friend has a single lot, no obstacles of note, and her own mower. She's been offering me $20 per run, which I've reluctantly accepted because I can use the cash, but is much more than is necessary for the 20 minutes it takes me to complete the job.

This gal is fun, intelligent, gorgeous, and just a blast to hang with. Feeling a bit guilty for bilking her for a Jefferson each time for the past couple months, this time I gave her an option: $10 cash or $5 and a drink at the new Rosie O’Grady’s Pub in Ferndale. There are a bunch of reasons we're not right for each other romantically, so I had no worries that this might be interpreted the wrong way. Thankfully, she chose the latter.

I headed over and did the mowing quickly, but efficiently, so as to avoid the rain that seemed eminent. When I finished, she suggested I head over to the bar while she cleans up from her home improvement endeavors. I head the ½ mile to the pub and find a table in the main bar area. Rosie O'Grady's used to be just a step above a dive bar. Nice, relatively clean, but a but worn around the edges - just enough to have 'character'. Rosie’s new digs are AMAZING! Not only is it huge, clean and new, but it has a very open floor plan, separate sections for covered patio, sidewalk patio, bar, and dining areas, DOZENS of flat screen TVs with local sports, and i t's boisterous without being so loud you have to shout to be heard by the person next to you.

I order my beer and wait. She shows up just late enough to be fashionable, and looking fabulous. We proceeded to have some great conversation, talking school and careers, dating stories, how much we both miss my sister now that she’s made the move to the West Coast, and life after divorce. She orders some pizza for us to split and we munched while enthusiastically playing their weekly team trivia game. We started out at the head of the pack in the game, but fell quickly behind when the subject matter moved from pop culture to modern music, then finally to my Achilles Heel, sports.

We were there for about 3 hours just swapping stories, playing trivia, eating, drinking, and having a blast. I’m not used to going out to local trendy ‘hot spots’, let alone with a gorgeous woman, so not only was I having a great time, but I was feeling like quite the envied stud! The tab was a bit more than I had expected, so I offered her a free week of lawn service.

One of the best parts of the evening was going home MUCH later than my roommate (or I) had expected, and putting on my best shit-eatin’ grin. He knows this girl and is QUITE aware of her beauty and charm. I just grin at him and he gets this look of total shock, assuming MUCH more than had happened. I just paused with my cat-who-ate-the-canary grin. I held it for about 5 seconds before I cracked. “We had fun at the bar the whole time. I just wanted to see the look on your face when you assumed…” Priceless. ;)

Doing a favor for a friend, a great night at the bar, lookin’ like a stud at a local hot spot with a major hottie, and making my roomate’s eyes bug out for a few seconds. Yea, awesome night!

Gratitude for what I have...

I met for dinner with an old friend the other day. Without going into detail, it got me thinking about what I have versus what how things could be. I have my health, I have 2 jobs (crappy-paying though they may be), I have friends and family willing to help me as needed (which I try desperately not to abuse), and I've managed to keep going without government assistance. I've never had to apply for unemployment, I've never had a financially crippling medical emergency (knock wood).

I've also never been without a job for more than 2 weeks in my entire adult life, and beyond that I've had between 2 and 5 jobs at a time over the past decade. On top of that, while the entirety of Michigan is in a labor panic and everyone is looking for work, I have 3 solid leads on better jobs. I don't have them yet, and none of them are what you'd call well-paying careers, but they pay a damn sight better than what I'm making now, but one of them is bound to turn out. In a state with 15.2% unemployment, and living 1/2 mile from a city with over 25% unemployment, I consider myself ridiculously lucky.

In the mean time, I feel loved, appreciate, and respected for who and what I am. THAT is the biggest gift. As long as the basics are covered (food & shelter for me and my kids), if there is love and respect, I will always get by.

And how do I come about this love and respect, you may ask? The answer is simple:

I love and respect others.

I've pontificated on Karma and what-goes-around-comes-around plenty of times. Showing love and respect for those around you, no matter their differences, breeds something beyond goodwill. It goes beyond Biblical tenants of "turn the other cheek" and the more universal "do unto others" philosophy. It creates a personal mental state of peace. It allows one to better analyze one's own thinking and be more objective about one's personal beliefs.

Psychologists often cite that actions create belief. For example, if you make yourself smile, you'll begin to feel happy. That's a bit simple (and not always true, of course), but the concept isn't without merit. If you treat others with respect, even if you completely disagree or are even morally repulsed by their ideals, you may allow yourself to open you mind to more possibilities. It doesn't have to change who you are to consider a point of view you disagree with and you don't have to change your opinion to show respect. On the contrary, being weak-willed doesn't garner respect. However, not only will SHOWING respect by letting others have their say, not discounting their ideals out of hand, and paying honest attention to what they are trying to communicate, open your own mind to new possibilities for growth, but you've gained the appreciation of a wider circle of people, which can be beneficial for all later on.

I've started to ramble and get off topic. Hell, it's my blog. :)

Anyway, today, despite having to work to days of doubles in a row and being drastically underpaid for it, I'm happy. Not because I'm forcing myself to smile, but because grateful for what I have.. More than that, I'm realizing why I have the blessings I do: because I show love and respect at every opportunity.

I highly recommend it