I Don't Believe In Destiny, or the Guiding Hand of Fate...

Okay, so that's not ENTIRELY true...

Sometimes fate doesn't just guide you. On occasion, fate can grab you by the cajones with all the subtlety and tact of a rabid pit bull and just yank you along the right path.

Case in point:
I started my Bachelor of Music Education degree in Septemer 1993. Marriage, kids, house, apathy, laziness - all factors that have slowed me along the way. Nonetheless, I have plugged away at it over the past 16 years. Now, all that remain are 3 classes, my student teaching...and 4 credits of private lessons. These are only offered at 1 credit per semester, which means that despite being able to finish my coursework in 1 year, I am a minimum of 2 years from my degree. It seems so daunting and far off.

I started taking private lessons my first semester at Wayne with Ron. Helluva player, fun to talk shop with, never one to pressure you, but insisted on improvement. A GREAT teacher. I took 4 semesters with him and passed each one. Not always with stellar grades, but enough to pass.

I took some time off school to start a family. When I returned, Ron had been replaced with Ken. Ken expected you to START at a minimum conservatory level, and if you weren't there, you weren't worth his time. I took 5 semesters with him and only passed once - when he didn't show up to my jury. This man became the gatekeeper of my degree. In order to finish, I needed to pass 4 semesters with him, and I couldn't. So, I decided to wait him out. His students were dwindling and sooner or later, the administration would notice. (see more on this in my original post from 9/06 HERE)

So, my obstacles for a long time were time, money, and my private lessons. Flash forward to this present day. Last month I watched the premier episode of Glee. I truly identified with the director character and between the odd parallels in the character's story and the inspirational music, I started thinking real hard about what I might have to do to finish my degree and start teaching.

Next, after not taking classes for 3 years and being rather consumed with other areas of my life that are exploding right now, I get a form letter last week from the WSU Music Department, inviting me to return to school and finish, complete with numbers to call to find out what I need to do. I'm sure they sent the same letter to several students, but it came just as the thought of returning and finishing my degree popped to the forefront of my mind.

Next, I get this new job at Starbucks. Not much money, but MUCH greater flexibility in the schedule to be able to fit in my student teaching durring normal school hours. Having had jobs that run 9-5 as my only available work time, and my primary income, that hasn't been much of a possibility at all.

Finally, I'm running into the warehouse today to talk with one of the guys about a customer's order, and who's sitting at the counter picking up supplies...but my old teacher, Ron. Apparently, he's now the primary trombone teacher at WSU. Ken is gone, and Ron's who I would be learning with. We start to talk about how close I am and that lessons are the longest part, taking a minimum of 2 years to complete. He suggests that there is precedent to double up the lessons to 2 credits per semester, getting me out in 1/2 the time.

Time and private lessons have been taken care of for me. Time for me to take the bull by the balls and get the money. I have to find $850 to pay off my old balance so I can register. I have a few days next week. I will be researching every grant, scholarship, and loan I can find to make this happen.

It's now within the realm of possibility (and I can't believe I am saying this) that I could have my degree by May. It depends on several factors and paying my balance this month, but that's the earliest I could have it.

My heart just sped up to about 120bmp just typing that. And I'm a band guy. I KNOW 120BPM!

What's he REALLY been doing the past month?

Seems there's been a litany of things to blog about the past month, each worthy of a complete entry unto themselves. Problem is, they come and go so quickly and are so numerous, I don't get the chance to sit down and get my thoughts down about them before the next blog-worthy incident occurs...

Those of you that bother to waste your time reading through my overly-verbose, rambling, and often incoherent musings, know that I rarely just jot down a word or two about any given subject. I practically deluge them with similes, anecdotes, details, background, and clever (at least to me) witticisms, turning what could easily be a couple sentences into a novel of epic length...

Oh well, you're the suckers that decide to keep scrolling down your screens!

Anyway, I write more for myself and my posterity. I like my style, my vocabulary, and my subject matter – while not necessarily anyone else's cup of tea – is extremely interesting to me...

But now – ON TO THE BLOG!..

Disclaimer: The following blog is not kind simply because I know he will be reading this (Hi Paulie!), but because these are my honest feeling and thoughts. Yes, I will likely leave out any horrid details about the seething, dark underbelly of his habits and personality, but I won't cloak any negative thoughts in a veil of flowery, backhanded compliments. If my tone seems to disguise a negative perception of him at times, rest assured you're reading too much into it. I have nothing but love and respect for the guy...

I've been voyeuristically following my friend Paulie's life and blogs from a distance for several months now. The first thing you must understand about Paulie is that he is, for all intents and purposes, the incarnation of my inner-child. He and I have a lot in common creatively, perceptively, and spiritually. While we have lead very different lives and upbringings to the point when we met, the only real reasons we are currently different in many ways are due to a combination of several minutely different choices in life paths. I went the way of the hard-working family man, trying like hell to become a positive influence on the world by setting a good example (most of the time), and he the rout of the more free-wheeling bachelor, trying to inspire the world to be free-thinkers and create happiness by fulfilling your own dreams while respecting and encouraging others' dreams as well. We share similar values, tastes, and passions...

Her just gets to have more fun than I do…..

Paulie has always wanted to be a rock star. Well, honestly, who the hell hasn't? Paulie, however, has been striving towards it as long as I have known him. He's played bass in a few working local bands, written songs, and now he's actually working on preparing an album and saving the cash to have it properly fleshed out and produced in a studio...

He's gotten a lot of criticism for it, too. He's 28, gainfully double-employed working as a waiter, living in his parents' attic, and though he has a degree, is not using it (though I know SEVERAL people that can't find a use for their degree other than hanging it over the hole on the wall – but that's another blog entirely). Many (notably several in his own family) view him as a directionless lay-about, sponging off his parents and rapidly going nowhere with his life...

I SORELY contest this conclusion. Within the past year, Paulie has made several very big decisions to change the momentum of his life, while maintaining the (often ignored by many) direction in his life. He's moved back home from a rather poor financial situation in Atlanta, working more, drinking less, exercising, saving money, assessing his priorities with a critical eye, and generally decided to take a pragmatic look at his life without quashing his dreams in the process. You have no idea how much I admire him for that...

So many of us, when in our early twenties, are staring down two paths: dreams and responsibility. Very few are lucky enough to have a career in mind that we actually have a passion for, as opposed to a mere tolerance to do to get by. He has chosen to forge his own path in between the two, working as is necessary, but towards an end he has a passion for. I applaud Paulie for giving power to his dreams, while not sitting on his lazy (and he most certainly is that) ass, not ever giving thought to bettering himself or making his own living...

Recently, while taking one of my twice/thrice weekly self-imposed exiles to the coffee shop to read and chill between dropping Liam at school and heading to work, I got a call from dear 'ol Paulie B.. He said his album's going fine, but he need some work on his vocals and was wondering if I could be his vocal coach...

"Um…ahh.., ME!?"..

Sure, I sing barbershop and have a good music ed. background, but I ain't no friggin' Pavarotti! My solo voice sucks, and I rarely dare more than a drunken Sinatra song at the karaoke bar, all by my lonesome. I cannot be center stage vocally and only thrive as part of an ensemble. However, after thinking it over a bit, I agreed and we set up an evening to meet up...

Over the next several days, I found myself thinking, "what the hell can I teach HIM about vocal technique?!" I started rooting through the exercises I have picked up in barbershop (corny and cheesy, the lot of them ) and found that there were fundamental aspects of them I could use, as well as realizing I'd have little idea what he would want or need to sound like until I heard his songs...

We met on Wednesday night and he played me his stuff, and to my surprise, much of it was just plain great! Not that I was expecting them to be suck-ass garbage, mind you, but I was expecting some decent lyrics with simple melodies, centered around a single note, with very similar chord structure, that MAY have a radio ready track in there somewhere once it was fiddled with enough. ..

He played me his rough "blue prints" with only bass, guitar and his solo vocals, but what I heard in most of them was MOUNDS of potential. Most didn't need much more than percussion to fill them out. I listened to the chord structure and melody lines, and found a subtle complexity to them that was just begging for studio refinement...

Then I listened to his voice….

Paul's like me (or at least me 4 years ago): he has a bright, nasally sound that could cut glass, and while he can hear pitches well and tune a guitar relatively well without mechanical aid, he doesn't have a ton of pitch control in his voice. I sat and though, "Oh my God… I can FIX THIS! I can rebuild him! Better than he was before! Better. Stronger…MORE IN TUNE!" My mind began racing around a million and one fairly simple exercises to shore up his weaknesses. His head must have been a blur, because I was throwing one suggestion after another at him and giving him things to work on for the next week. All of the sudden, I FELT like a good (well, at least adequate) vocal teacher!

He offered me money for the lesson, which I gladly and greedily accepted (though in my heart, reluctantly at first). I wasn't sure going in that I could be of any help, and taking money from a friend for a favor is not something I'm in the habit of doing. Unfortunately, my time is sparse and I need to justify anything that isn't job, family, or household related with money in order to scale my ever-increasing mountain of bills. After our little get-together, though, I didn't feel so guilty. I have ideas that can and will work to get him closer to where he wants to be! I'm still not crazy about taking money to do something I enjoy for a friend who I don't get to see enough anyway, but while I feel a bit guilty for it as a friend, I don't have the added burden of professional guilt as well...

I'm genuinely excited about helping Paulie on this. He's open to ideas, eager to learn, humble about and aware of what he doesn't know, and appreciative of the input he gets. He's got some great songs, and a drive that'll ram through a brick wall...

I can't wait till our next lesson!

Mi Vida Loca! Part II: My fight with beurocracy and Da Man... (Repost from MySpace)

I am going to be very careful about how I word this, because a wise mentor of mine once said not to put ANYTHING on the internet you don't want someone to find eventually…

Am I crazy, or isn't a university's goal to educate their students, prep them for their careers, and get them OUT WORKING IN THE REAL WORLD?!?!?

I have been going to Wayne State University for 13 years for my bachelor's degree and state certification in music education. I have been a music education student from day 1. I have not changed majors, nor have I ever decided to STOP pursuing my goal of being a certified public school music teacher. I have, admittedly, had several personal bumps along the way that have nothing to do with Wayne State. Marriage, kids (both worth the degree delay), jobs, money troubles, etc., have all made this trek towards my BA and certification a slow and arduous process.

As of late, however, it seems that the powers that be at good ol' WSU have decided to completely block any and all attempts for me to accomplish said goal.

4 years ago, I was anticipating graduating in Spring 2004 – roughly 6 years behind most of my classmates. This didn't disturb me much, as I didn't have the benefit of rich parents, a trust fund, or significant financial aid. However, since delving headfirst into my courses and attempting to plow through my degree at as close to full speed as my schedule, life, and finances allow, Wayne State has managed to come up with about every speed bump and obstacle they can find to prevent it.

There have been mysterious, unspecified complaints about my classroom behavior resulting in my transfer from my practicum assignment without explanation or appeal, course requirements that have changed mid-stream, lost paperwork and the like constantly popping up and further postponing my graduation, and now the biggest blockade – my private lessons.

I have about 2 semesters of classes to take to graduate, excluding lessons. I need 8 semesters of a 'C' or better to graduate. I have 4, despite having taken and paid for 8 so far. I took lessons with Ron Kischuk back in da day (93-95), and always passed with a 'C' or 'B'. He was a nice, easy goin' jazz player. Comfortable to work with and fun to discuss methods with, even if his ego was the size of Wisconsin, I worked well with him and progressed well.

Upon my return to Wayne after a brief financial hiatus, Ron was gone and I was assigned to Ken Thompkins – the lead trombone for the Detroit Symphony. A remarkable player, and a decent enough guy outside the 'biz'. However, from day 1 in lessons, I was constantly made to feel inadequate, unprepared, and above all – a waste of his time.

In college, he was a performance major. All of his students (other than myself) have been performance majors. This requires a level of playing ability I could never hope to achieve, even if I wanted to; a level of dedication to one's playing and a time commitment I could never possess. The world of professional performers is ridiculously competitive and getting more so by the day. These musicians need to be taught and rehearsed to prepare for that world.

I am a music education major. I am a fairly decent trombonist, when properly warmed up, relaxed, and prepared. I have NO plans or aspirations to make a living from playing my horn. I am also NOT a 20-year-old with lots of free time and parents paying my bills and tuition, bailing me out of time and financial difficulty. I am an adult, husband to a busy and working wife, and father of 2 with 3 jobs.

Yet, Ken seems to believe that he should have the same standards and expectations of EVERY student, regardless of their background, current ability, situation, or personal or professional goals. He seems to have no regard for anything his students think, want, or need (aside from occasionally acquiescing to a scheduling change for the lesson). He only has his goals, his standards, his outcome, and his perceptions of how things should be. 'Your graduation – or for that matter, education – is not my concern. If you're a student of mine, you must play to a certain level,' is the only impression or attitude I seem to get from him. Regardless, as much as I hate it and think his expectations and treatment unfair, I was prepared to have to press on if it was the only way to my degree. I would try and see if there were other options, through the department regulations and proper hierarchy and chain of command.

Back in May, my dear wife, Sonya, attempted to contact my old teacher, Ron, to see if there was a way for me to take lessons with him over the summer and have them credited toward my degree. This used to be a possibility in the early 90's, provided the teacher was approved by the department. He imparted that he would be on staff at Wayne again and I may be able to take lessons with him again. I never said word 1 to Ron Kischuk. This was all done as a surprise birthday present for me.

Since then, the word has circulated around the department that I am a renegade, trying to usurp the system and weasel my way out of the credits by going behind everyone's back. By rumor, conjecture, and hearsay, they have determined that I will not follow the rules, and therefor they will make it that much harder for me to graduate because of it. Yet, no one asked me to explain, confronted me with the situation or said a single thing to me. I only heard a rumor from a friend and colleague that I wasn't very popular with the department right now.

As if this unfounded resentment and treatment of me weren't enough, a new development has made the idea of lessons with Ken, quite simply, impossible.

I was selling a euphonium on Ebay for a friend. He had no Ebay account and my Ebay rating was good. It was a Willson – a very nice, professional horn. He eventually sold it to one of his old students and had me pull the listing. The next day, Ken sent an e-mail to one of the salesmen at the music store I work at, asking why I was selling a Hirsbrunner (not a Willson) euphonium on Ebay and why I suddenly pulled it.

Hirsbrunner is one of the brands the store I work at sells exclusively. There is no other place to get, and more to the point, no way I could afford it. Naturally, this made my boss suspicious, and I was called away from a band camp to explain myself. I explained it was NOT a Hirsbrunner, but a Willson, and it was for a friend, even going so far as to print out and SHOW them the listing and give my friend's number. Situation over, thankfully, at work.

Never the less, Ken's lie (pardon me - factual inaccuracy) nearly got me fired, and quite possible worse had I not had the evidence that Ken's information was inaccurate. Why he LIED to my BOSS about a situation that clearly would at least result in getting me fired, if not arrested, and was CLEARLY out of the scope of his role as a teacher, I won't (publicly) presume. Regardless, it was unprofessional. I will bit my tongue and take lessons from a teacher I don't like if it means my degree, but I WILL NOT take lessons from someone who almost caused, through deceit or misinformation the loss of my livelihood.

I don't enjoy my lessons with Ken. After several semesters with him, and by his own account, I don't seem to progress with him. At this point, I loathe and resent my lessons with him, which makes progress even more unattainable. I don't enjoy dreading every hour I spend under his disapproving glare, critical sighs, overwhelming workload, and contemptuous attitude. I don't enjoy wasting the credit fees, registration fees, and departmental fees semester after semester while I get no closer to my degree. In my entire tenure with Ken, I have passed his course only once – when he wasn't there for the jury. Despite this, I was willing to keep trying, if that's all I could do. Now, however, I will not accept him as my teacher. If it means transferring to another university after 13 years and re-taking several classes, so be it.

More on the Music Department's response to this situation to come...

Some things I have learned... (Repost from MySpace)

These are not cut-and-pastes of cheesy e-mails or quips from re-posts of forwarded crap. These are nuggets of wisdom I have gleaned myself and in my own words.

Think before you speak or act.

Respect and trust are hard earned - and easily squandered.

If you spin a web, you'll get caught in it.

If your heart says something's wrong and your head tries to justify it - trust your heart.

Love fully and unconditionally, but take care how you express it.

True friends are precious and rare. Don't abuse them. You will loose them.

People can and want to change - let them.

Do not let the perceptions of others change your view of yourself. Only you are the true judge of you own worth and know what's truly in your heart.

Letting EVERYONE know exactly how you feel is never a bad idea.

Be tactful, but be honest. It's possible to do both.

"To thine own self, be true." Yes, but be true to those you love as well. You'll be surprised how often they are the same thing.

Cry - even if you have no shoulder to cry on.

Try and find a shoulder to cry on, even if it just ends up being a pillow that's willing to listen.

Get your thoughts down - even if it's only clichés and quips.

Share your thoughts, even if it leaves people questioning your character.

Be an open book. It leaves less room for others to question your motives.

Not everything needs to be said, but most of it SHOULD be said.

Everything you do affects others. Be aware of that at all times.

Every day you make decisions.
Today I decide to love and respect myself and those I care for.